my mouth tastes like poor choices
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
