I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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