Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
