At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
