i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
