Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
