Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
