We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
