I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
