Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
