Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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