I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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