You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
