So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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