What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My cat gives me a boner
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
