Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
