i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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