ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
