did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
