We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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