Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
