so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
