you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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