Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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