i already hear my dad disowning me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
