i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
