people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
