dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
