My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
