Four minutes until I can fart!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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