Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
