I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
