well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
