Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
