One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
