The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
