I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
