I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
