someone get that fucking seahorse.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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