the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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