butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
