dude i'm inner monologue high
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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