I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
