I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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