i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
