barbara walters just said penis...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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