Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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