My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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