We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
