Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
