I think im going to throw up on grandma
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
