Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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