hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
