Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
