We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
