the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
