When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
