The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
