If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
