She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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