Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize